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having choice means having power

“You can’t cross the sea merely by

Dear soulsister,

The soul can only take so much hurt. Yet many keep on going in for more. Lack of self-worth often causes us to get, or try to get our worth from the most unworthiest of sources.

Many ask “why?”

Why don’t the ones who are hurting every ask “Why?” – “Why am I hurting? Why am I doing this? Why do I spend time with people who hurt me? Why don’t I want more from life? Why don’t I do something about it?”

Why!?

For many of you reading this, you may be thinking, “I’ve heard this all before.” And yes, we hear it time and again. If this is you, by all means, move on. I have no problem with that. But there may be one person reading this who it will make a difference for. And that’s why I writing it.

If you are not happy with your life, start asking “Why?” Once you have found the answer, or you think you have, then ask “What can I do about it?” There will always be SOMETHING you can do. It needn’t be a huge thing, but there will be something you CAN do to start moving yourself towards the life you want and the life you will be happy in. It may take time, but it will never happen unless we start.

Once you have settled on what you can do, start doing it.

We can feel powerless. We can feel we have no control over our own lives. We can feel that we have no choice. But sister,

You do have a choice to do what you want at least ONCE during the day.

Therefore, you do have control over your life at least ONCE during the day.

Therefore, you do have POWER at least ONCE during the day.

There will be ONE thing that you can do every day that will start to make a difference in your life…..it may be :

  1. going for a walk
  2. pulling out some weeds
  3. journaling your feelings (you can throw it away as soon as you write it, if you are afraid someone may find it)
  4. spending 5 minutes (or even 1 minute!) imagining you are living the life you want
  5. doing 10 sit ups
  6. singing
  7. being grateful that the sun comes up in the morning
  8. saying to yourself “I am a good person and I deserve all that is good”

When you do this ONE small thing, think to yourself “I’M choosing to do this” “I’M in control right now” therefore “I DO have some power within me”.

You are powerful. You may not be as powerful as you want right now, but if you keep building on these ‘ONE times’ during the day, before you know it you will be realizing that you are choosing to do a number of things, then many things a day. And every time you remind yourself that YOU are choosing, and that YOU have power in that moment, you will feel more and more powerful as time goes on until you have enough power to make the BIG choice and really move on in your life.

So, soulsister, all power to you! You CAN have the life you want.

much love,

Rebecca Signature

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loving these…..

LOVING YOU

Dear soulsister,

I’ve picked out three great posts I’ve found in my neighbourhood for you to take a look at.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.

–     How to Keep Believing in Yourself

I stood there catching my breath. A gush of thoughts were racing in my mind. “You don’t even believe in me,” I sighed to my best friend. “No one does.”…..

–     Are you Giving Away your Self Worth?

Whenever we do something new, something big, it’s normal for fear to come up……

–     You Aren’t Broken, and You Don’t Need to be Fixed!

Thank you for trying to fix me.  Now let me tell you this……..

much love,

Rebecca Signature

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the power of tolerance, or we could say, the power of love

Acceptance looks like a passive state,

Dear soulsister,

Tolerance is one of the greatest strengths in women. For some inexplicable reason we seem to have a wellspring of it naturally built in. So what is tolerance? Is it the power to love no matter what? And what does love mean?

Love means giving and caring. Love is simple, yet we’ve made it so complicated. Love today is all about bondage – desire, dependence, strings and ropes, being tied down, expectations and requirements. But love is none of those things. When these things are present, pain is present. Where there is love there is no pain.

When a woman tolerates she puts up with things, she accepts things, she merges weaknesses and disappointments into herself. This doesn’t mean that she stays in a place that is unsafe for her or others. It means she sees the bigger picture. She understands the imperfection of everything. Her motivation for everything she does is to bring benefit. To bring harmony. To sustain peace.

Therefore if her child, her friend or her partner disappoint her. If they don’t act as they should. If they say and do things that are wrong. She tolerates it. She may not stay, but her role is to create peace, not war. She may give words of guidance and disciplilne, but she doesn’t turn things into a ‘drama’ where violence by way of words, thoughts, feelings or even actions are exchanged. She ‘holds the space’, makes her point and its finished. Everyone is left to come to their own conclusions about how they should act. Its not a matter of one being right and the other wrong. Everyone knows right from wrong – and if they don’t they better learn – there’s no need to debate it any longer than is needed.

A woman with the power of tolerance is a woman with dignity. She knows herself. She knows her place. She knows the role she’s here to play. And with that knowing, her aim in life is to be the best she can. She has clear aims and a clear direction of where she has to go. If others don’t wish to co-operate with her and become obstacles along the way, she quietly and non-violently removes them, goes over them, around or under them. Her purpose is to keep moving to where she needs to go. And she finds a non-violent way to do that.

She understands everyone is responsible for themselves. She isn’t responsible for them and they aren’t responsible for her. She knows everyone has their own role to play in the ‘play of life’ and she knows living is co-operating and that’s what we are all here to do. Its as simple as that. Anything other than that, she moves on.

Tolerating is not complaining that ‘it should be like this’. Its not comparing oneself with another, or one situation with another.   And its not criticizing and condemning. Its accepting that everything is as it is, seeing what could be done to make it better, making the changes if possible, if not, then letting it be and continuing on.

Life is to be lived, enjoyed and made the most of. This is the attitude of a woman with the power of tolerance. The power of tolerance helps her take it all in, accept it all as it is and deal with it as she needs to.

Live a life with the power of tolerance and you will be known and remembered as an amazing woman.

A woman who follows the crowd will

Lots and lots of love,

Rebecca Signature

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what are women most scared of?

Dear soulsister,

I thought I would take up each of the powers I talked about yesterday. I was thinking about it in meditation this morning and I felt it would be good to do it for you and also for me!

I’ve been aware of these 8 powers for some time, decades actually, but I never really bothered with them too much. However someone showed me a book by Anthony Strano the other day The Quest for Well-Being – using your 8 powers, and for some reason I got interested.

So, the first one is the Power to Face.

At this stage in my journey I am really doing a ‘push’ forward in getting to where I want to be. I REALLY want to be that perfect person I’ve wanted to be since as far back as I can remember.

So, when I was sitting in meditation this morning I got to thinking about this and how I can use the Power to Face. I’m presently in the stages of getting contributors for the soulsisterwisdom magazine. I have no idea (well a bit of an idea – but not as much as I really need and would feel comfortable about!) as to how I’m going to pull this off as I’ve never done it before, and certainly not with the technology we have today. Major learning curve!

Anyway, I was going through this feeling of really needing to let go of the responsibility of it and getting into the feeling that it’s His (God’s) thing. So, he has to get it done. I’ll do the donkey work, but it is his thing. So that’s ok. Then I got on to thinking about this Power to Face and how helpful it could be, in that it enables me to really face what I need to face inside me in order for me to change.

So I practiced a little and then (I had a few things going on – cooking something on the stove top importantly!), I moved. For no other reason than I was feeling anxious and I couldn’t settle. I remembered the silent retreat weekend where I learnt about the Vipassana meditation and how our instructor explained that by sitting and breathing through the pain or the discomfort, whether physical, mental or emotional we would get through it by facing it. She told us that whenever anything gets uncomfortable our response is usually to move away from it, therefore never dealing with it.

I came back to where I was before I moved and I contemplated on the ability to face and yes, it really is a power. It enables me to see the ‘enemy’. Size it up and really get to know it. If I’m turning or moving away all the time, what I need to face is just a blur or a niggle somewhere inside that will never go away unless I face it and deal with it. Pretty logical really!

At this point I got excited and I felt I had to explore this more, hence this piece. AND THEN, I was just sitting there trying to face, and then I was thinking, what am I really trying to face here? What am I really trying to see? And it came over me – what I need to face is ME – my true self, my real self. I don’t need to face what isn’t me, i.e. the ‘enemy’ at all, I need to face what IS me. That’s what I’m running away from! ME!

And then I remembered that famous quote by Marianne Williamson….

Our deepest fear is not that we areFacing is looking into the mirror of our heart.  And what is in the mirror of our heart?  Truth, love, peace, happiness, beauty, fantasticness.

So, facing problems, obstacles etc is not actually about seeing the problem or obstacle at all, its more about seeing and feeling the greatness, strength, ability, qualities in us that will get us through, over, around, or past whatever is in our way.

As Marianne Williamson says, “It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us”.  As women we HAVE become scared of our light. We don’t want to see it, name it, own it, or show it to the world.  We want to hide it and deny it.  We find it hard to be anything other than what we’ve been ‘taught’ and told to be.  And yet the voice inside us tells us we are not that at all.

The Power to Face liberates the essence of woman.  It challenges our hearts to beat.  It challenges our minds to expand.  It challenges our lungs to breathe.  And it challenges our bodies to move.  The Power to Face challenges us to be ourselves – our true selves.

The Power to Face challenges us to step up and be who we really are.

much love,

Rebecca Signature

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a new journey of letting go

“You will find that it is necessary to

Dear soulsister,

Lately I’ve been thinking about the idea of ‘letting go’. I recently read an article about a man who had been suffering from tinnitus. I have tinnitus, so I was interested.

A Chinese medical doctor who included psychological therapy in her treatments had written the article. She told the man that the tinnitus was a result of the anger that he harbored in himself about a family incident. She treated him with Chinese medicine and counseled him for two months to help him let go of the anger, hurt and bitterness he was holding on to. After two months the tinnitus went. He had completely let go of it all.

So, I too have been practising letting go. It is an interesting journey. For in order to let go, one really has to LET GO. Of even the subtlest of strings. To let go, I have to first of all FEEL the pain and the hurt and the anger that I’m storing, not only inside of me (the soul) but also inside of every cell in my body. There will be a specific place where I hold on to the pain, whether its my shoulder or my gut, chest, or throat. But I will be holding it in every other cell in my body as well – it just isn’t obvious.

Its hard to face pain. Its much easier to distract myself – turn on the TV, reach for some comfort food, get busy, phone a friend, go to bed – anything, but sit with the pain. And we’ve become very good at distraction and diversion, perhaps because its so easy and readily available. But the cost of not facing what needs to be changed deprives us of quality and in some cases, quantity of life.

An interview with an elderly couple one night at the end of the news many years ago has always stayed with me. They were celebrating a significant anniversary of their marriage and the journalist asked the wife why she thought many marriages failed these days. Her answer was “people don’t take the time to relax and just think anymore”.

We’ve entered a spinning cycle of busy, busy, busy, somewhere along the line. We’ve gotten busy and gotten tired and stressed. We’ve caused problems in our relationships and our health. Instead of stopping, thinking, talking, sorting things out, we’ve gotten busy and gotten tired and stressed. We’ve caused problems in our relationships…..and the cycle has repeated and repeated over and over again.

Instead of taking time out to deal with the things that really need to be dealt with – to sort things out, to understand, to apologise, to forgive…..we’ve just ignored it, denied it, internalized the pain and carried on.

Then we get sick or we get tinnitus. And tinnitus is REALLY annoying! 99.9% of the time I’m able to ignore it, and have done for years. I decided to do that because otherwise it would have driven me crazy.

But now, I’m going to try and do something about it. It would be good to be free from it and just hear beautiful silence. Plus, I’ve come to realize that if my ears are being affected by what I’m holding on to, then the rest of my body is also.

I’m loving the feeling of letting go. It’s a feeling of complete separation of the soul and the body. Where both the soul and the body are challenged to deal with what they each have to deal with, alone – without the support and familiar feeding in of the experiences of the other.

The soul is having to face the heart and deal with the deep seated feelings and swirling psychological and emotional pain within it, that may not even be able to be named. The body is having to face physical pain in all different places and its having to learn to accept, relax and allow balance to be restored.

All of this can feel quite strange and uncomfortable. But that’s what growing pains are like.   And when I see this as growth it gives me the strength to keep going.

Otherwise there can be no getting off the merry-go-round and running through the countryside, hair streaming freely in the wind.

Have a lovely day.

When I let go of what I am, I become

much love,

Rebecca Signature