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a new journey of letting go

“You will find that it is necessary to

Dear soulsister,

Lately I’ve been thinking about the idea of ‘letting go’. I recently read an article about a man who had been suffering from tinnitus. I have tinnitus, so I was interested.

A Chinese medical doctor who included psychological therapy in her treatments had written the article. She told the man that the tinnitus was a result of the anger that he harbored in himself about a family incident. She treated him with Chinese medicine and counseled him for two months to help him let go of the anger, hurt and bitterness he was holding on to. After two months the tinnitus went. He had completely let go of it all.

So, I too have been practising letting go. It is an interesting journey. For in order to let go, one really has to LET GO. Of even the subtlest of strings. To let go, I have to first of all FEEL the pain and the hurt and the anger that I’m storing, not only inside of me (the soul) but also inside of every cell in my body. There will be a specific place where I hold on to the pain, whether its my shoulder or my gut, chest, or throat. But I will be holding it in every other cell in my body as well – it just isn’t obvious.

Its hard to face pain. Its much easier to distract myself – turn on the TV, reach for some comfort food, get busy, phone a friend, go to bed – anything, but sit with the pain. And we’ve become very good at distraction and diversion, perhaps because its so easy and readily available. But the cost of not facing what needs to be changed deprives us of quality and in some cases, quantity of life.

An interview with an elderly couple one night at the end of the news many years ago has always stayed with me. They were celebrating a significant anniversary of their marriage and the journalist asked the wife why she thought many marriages failed these days. Her answer was “people don’t take the time to relax and just think anymore”.

We’ve entered a spinning cycle of busy, busy, busy, somewhere along the line. We’ve gotten busy and gotten tired and stressed. We’ve caused problems in our relationships and our health. Instead of stopping, thinking, talking, sorting things out, we’ve gotten busy and gotten tired and stressed. We’ve caused problems in our relationships…..and the cycle has repeated and repeated over and over again.

Instead of taking time out to deal with the things that really need to be dealt with – to sort things out, to understand, to apologise, to forgive…..we’ve just ignored it, denied it, internalized the pain and carried on.

Then we get sick or we get tinnitus. And tinnitus is REALLY annoying! 99.9% of the time I’m able to ignore it, and have done for years. I decided to do that because otherwise it would have driven me crazy.

But now, I’m going to try and do something about it. It would be good to be free from it and just hear beautiful silence. Plus, I’ve come to realize that if my ears are being affected by what I’m holding on to, then the rest of my body is also.

I’m loving the feeling of letting go. It’s a feeling of complete separation of the soul and the body. Where both the soul and the body are challenged to deal with what they each have to deal with, alone – without the support and familiar feeding in of the experiences of the other.

The soul is having to face the heart and deal with the deep seated feelings and swirling psychological and emotional pain within it, that may not even be able to be named. The body is having to face physical pain in all different places and its having to learn to accept, relax and allow balance to be restored.

All of this can feel quite strange and uncomfortable. But that’s what growing pains are like.   And when I see this as growth it gives me the strength to keep going.

Otherwise there can be no getting off the merry-go-round and running through the countryside, hair streaming freely in the wind.

Have a lovely day.

When I let go of what I am, I become

much love,

Rebecca Signature

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Let the Sun Shine In

• TROPICAL •• TASTE •

 

My lesson today is all about letting go of the ‘old’ world and invoking the new. I was reminded of the song in the musical Hair “let the sun shine in” and I was seeing the image of the sun, red and yellow, being centre stage in the world.

After all the sun is life’s source isn’t it? I love having it around. Though only in doses I can take. Too much, I need to close the curtains. Too little, it becomes depressing.

In my life, the sun is symbolic of God. I love having him around too – but only in doses I can take!

Anyway, my morning meditation class was about letting go of stuff that, let’s face it, regularly hurts us. But we’ve become used to it! As I sat in meditation before the class I was aware of tension in my chest and throat. I know what its from – unexpressed hurt – anger, hurt, sadness….emotion. And I was thinking just this, that I really need to let go of all of this. But I and my body are so used to being this way. So I was contemplating “yep, it’s a hard road all this spiritual transformation stuff”. But, I am DETERMINED!

Just to let go and trust that I’m not going to fall into an abyss of, I don’t know what. But that’s what it kind of feels like. So I was just sending my body and my heart and mind lots of love because I think that’s what it’s going to take to shift it. I’m impatient though. Though I had ‘glimpses’ of the feeling of safety and security (i.e. love), I want it all to end and to be feeling all relaxed and happy. So that’s another thing I’m learning – i.e. patience. And, I am DETERMINED!

But one other thing I wanted to share with you was this beautiful metaphor for cyclic change. In the class, reference was made to how the rivers flow into the ocean, the sun evaporates the water and then it comes down as rain into the mountains which then flows into the rivers again. I was just thinking before, I’d like to hold on to this image as well. Nothing remains the same. Energy changes its form all the time. All I need to do is get into the ‘flow’ of what cycle I want to be in.  Old or new?

New!

So, the images of the sun and the rivers and the mountains and the ocean! Yes, that’s the kind of ‘flow’ I want to be in.

Don’t you love it?

Lots of love,

Rebecca Signature