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what are women most scared of?

Dear soulsister,

I thought I would take up each of the powers I talked about yesterday. I was thinking about it in meditation this morning and I felt it would be good to do it for you and also for me!

I’ve been aware of these 8 powers for some time, decades actually, but I never really bothered with them too much. However someone showed me a book by Anthony Strano the other day The Quest for Well-Being – using your 8 powers, and for some reason I got interested.

So, the first one is the Power to Face.

At this stage in my journey I am really doing a ‘push’ forward in getting to where I want to be. I REALLY want to be that perfect person I’ve wanted to be since as far back as I can remember.

So, when I was sitting in meditation this morning I got to thinking about this and how I can use the Power to Face. I’m presently in the stages of getting contributors for the soulsisterwisdom magazine. I have no idea (well a bit of an idea – but not as much as I really need and would feel comfortable about!) as to how I’m going to pull this off as I’ve never done it before, and certainly not with the technology we have today. Major learning curve!

Anyway, I was going through this feeling of really needing to let go of the responsibility of it and getting into the feeling that it’s His (God’s) thing. So, he has to get it done. I’ll do the donkey work, but it is his thing. So that’s ok. Then I got on to thinking about this Power to Face and how helpful it could be, in that it enables me to really face what I need to face inside me in order for me to change.

So I practiced a little and then (I had a few things going on – cooking something on the stove top importantly!), I moved. For no other reason than I was feeling anxious and I couldn’t settle. I remembered the silent retreat weekend where I learnt about the Vipassana meditation and how our instructor explained that by sitting and breathing through the pain or the discomfort, whether physical, mental or emotional we would get through it by facing it. She told us that whenever anything gets uncomfortable our response is usually to move away from it, therefore never dealing with it.

I came back to where I was before I moved and I contemplated on the ability to face and yes, it really is a power. It enables me to see the ‘enemy’. Size it up and really get to know it. If I’m turning or moving away all the time, what I need to face is just a blur or a niggle somewhere inside that will never go away unless I face it and deal with it. Pretty logical really!

At this point I got excited and I felt I had to explore this more, hence this piece. AND THEN, I was just sitting there trying to face, and then I was thinking, what am I really trying to face here? What am I really trying to see? And it came over me – what I need to face is ME – my true self, my real self. I don’t need to face what isn’t me, i.e. the ‘enemy’ at all, I need to face what IS me. That’s what I’m running away from! ME!

And then I remembered that famous quote by Marianne Williamson….

Our deepest fear is not that we areFacing is looking into the mirror of our heart.  And what is in the mirror of our heart?  Truth, love, peace, happiness, beauty, fantasticness.

So, facing problems, obstacles etc is not actually about seeing the problem or obstacle at all, its more about seeing and feeling the greatness, strength, ability, qualities in us that will get us through, over, around, or past whatever is in our way.

As Marianne Williamson says, “It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us”.  As women we HAVE become scared of our light. We don’t want to see it, name it, own it, or show it to the world.  We want to hide it and deny it.  We find it hard to be anything other than what we’ve been ‘taught’ and told to be.  And yet the voice inside us tells us we are not that at all.

The Power to Face liberates the essence of woman.  It challenges our hearts to beat.  It challenges our minds to expand.  It challenges our lungs to breathe.  And it challenges our bodies to move.  The Power to Face challenges us to be ourselves – our true selves.

The Power to Face challenges us to step up and be who we really are.

much love,

Rebecca Signature

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8 powers we need for inner strength

The great awareness comes slowly, piece

Dear soulsister,

Whenever we talk about power or powers, usually there is either a feeling of negativity or we think of mysticism, clairvoyance or psychic ability.  We use the word ‘power’ to describe an unwanted force being directed at or over us or others.  Sometimes we use it to describe a force that WE direct at or over others, which undoubtedly would be unwanted.  When we use the word ‘powers’ what comes to mind is a Harry Potter story, a Fairy Godmother story, a Witch story or, what had been the fashion in the last few years (though I have never understood why), Vampire stories.

In relation to spirituality, both power and powers refer to the energy and the strength that is needed for the soul to enjoy life, and we all have this potential within us.  Power and powers inspire, that is, bring life into.  Just as the lungs of the body release toxic air, that is they expire, and if they didn’t breath air in again, we would expire as well.  When they take in clean air or ‘life’, they inspire.

Life should be clean, clear and joyous.  None of us want a life that is full of rubbish, obstacles and unhappiness.  We want bright sunny days, clear roads, happy people to ‘play’ with, and to be able to sleep in comfort at night.

Whilst in terms of physicality we know that this doesn’t happen, but in terms of the spirit it can.  In my mind, my heart, my attitude and outlook, I CAN have a sunny day.  I can have clear roads if I choose to see the roads that way and deal with any problems that come up constructively, as a game of challenges, honing my skills like a successful player.  I can play with happy people, if I have the power to influence them with MY happiness.  And I can sleep in comfort at night if I haven’t picked up any rubbish in my travels during the day.

By becoming skilled in the following 8 powers I can achieve this :

The Power to Face challenges, obstacles, problems and difficulties so that I conquer them and they don’t conquer me.

The Power to Tolerate them for as long as I need to be able to effectively deal with them in a constructive way.

The Power to Stop or let go of the difference of opinion, the need to do something, or the intensity I feel, and take a breather, have a break, change the scenery to be able to come back with a different perspective.

The Power to Withdraw or be introspective to see clearly what the situation is and what needs to be done.

The Power to Judge or weigh things up, to see the pros and the cons.

The Power to Discern and understand truth from falsehood, and reality from illusion.

The Power to Accommodate or accept what I can’t change.

The Power to Co-operate or support so that a task can be achieved, even if it might be the task of someone changing themselves.

These powers are like the arts of living.  They are expressions of the self that can make life beautiful and enticing and something that everyone wants to have.

Have a wonderful day!

I think that there is a sort of

much love as always,

Rebecca Signature

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a new journey of letting go

“You will find that it is necessary to

Dear soulsister,

Lately I’ve been thinking about the idea of ‘letting go’. I recently read an article about a man who had been suffering from tinnitus. I have tinnitus, so I was interested.

A Chinese medical doctor who included psychological therapy in her treatments had written the article. She told the man that the tinnitus was a result of the anger that he harbored in himself about a family incident. She treated him with Chinese medicine and counseled him for two months to help him let go of the anger, hurt and bitterness he was holding on to. After two months the tinnitus went. He had completely let go of it all.

So, I too have been practising letting go. It is an interesting journey. For in order to let go, one really has to LET GO. Of even the subtlest of strings. To let go, I have to first of all FEEL the pain and the hurt and the anger that I’m storing, not only inside of me (the soul) but also inside of every cell in my body. There will be a specific place where I hold on to the pain, whether its my shoulder or my gut, chest, or throat. But I will be holding it in every other cell in my body as well – it just isn’t obvious.

Its hard to face pain. Its much easier to distract myself – turn on the TV, reach for some comfort food, get busy, phone a friend, go to bed – anything, but sit with the pain. And we’ve become very good at distraction and diversion, perhaps because its so easy and readily available. But the cost of not facing what needs to be changed deprives us of quality and in some cases, quantity of life.

An interview with an elderly couple one night at the end of the news many years ago has always stayed with me. They were celebrating a significant anniversary of their marriage and the journalist asked the wife why she thought many marriages failed these days. Her answer was “people don’t take the time to relax and just think anymore”.

We’ve entered a spinning cycle of busy, busy, busy, somewhere along the line. We’ve gotten busy and gotten tired and stressed. We’ve caused problems in our relationships and our health. Instead of stopping, thinking, talking, sorting things out, we’ve gotten busy and gotten tired and stressed. We’ve caused problems in our relationships…..and the cycle has repeated and repeated over and over again.

Instead of taking time out to deal with the things that really need to be dealt with – to sort things out, to understand, to apologise, to forgive…..we’ve just ignored it, denied it, internalized the pain and carried on.

Then we get sick or we get tinnitus. And tinnitus is REALLY annoying! 99.9% of the time I’m able to ignore it, and have done for years. I decided to do that because otherwise it would have driven me crazy.

But now, I’m going to try and do something about it. It would be good to be free from it and just hear beautiful silence. Plus, I’ve come to realize that if my ears are being affected by what I’m holding on to, then the rest of my body is also.

I’m loving the feeling of letting go. It’s a feeling of complete separation of the soul and the body. Where both the soul and the body are challenged to deal with what they each have to deal with, alone – without the support and familiar feeding in of the experiences of the other.

The soul is having to face the heart and deal with the deep seated feelings and swirling psychological and emotional pain within it, that may not even be able to be named. The body is having to face physical pain in all different places and its having to learn to accept, relax and allow balance to be restored.

All of this can feel quite strange and uncomfortable. But that’s what growing pains are like.   And when I see this as growth it gives me the strength to keep going.

Otherwise there can be no getting off the merry-go-round and running through the countryside, hair streaming freely in the wind.

Have a lovely day.

When I let go of what I am, I become

much love,

Rebecca Signature

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seeking contributors for magazine

Dear soulsisters,

Well, the time has come to put together the first issue of soulsisterwisdom – if you feel contributing is something you’d like to do, you feel you would be good fit for this magazine, please contact me at hello@soulsisterwisdom.com and I’ll send you all the necessary info.

The theme for this issue is Wisdom.

So………… calling all writers, artists, poets, musos etc who want to inspire, enrich and elevate the minds, hearts and lives of fellow sisters with positive, uplifting and empowering stuff!!!

Let me know!

Am posting this happy happy song for you today – its title is Happy by Pharrell Williams  You’ll love it. 🙂 🙂 🙂

much love and light,

Rebecca Signature

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why women and girls find it hard to speak up

Facebook

Dear soulsister,

Presently I’m reading ‘The Climb – conversations with Australian Women in Power’ by Geraldine Doogue. I don’t know why I was surprised to read that most women Geraldine spoke with (I’m only half way through) have experienced obstructive, arrogant, bullying behavior towards them by men in their workplaces, particularly in meetings.

I googled “why women find it difficult to speak up” and at least a dozen articles came up on the first page saying exactly the same thing. We are living in 2015 right?

I don’t move in those circles, thankfully! And these are the so called ‘movers and shakers’ of our world? These are the places of politics and business.

Recently a friend told me that she had just realized that she had been in a friendship (with a man) for over 20 years that had been straight out abusive. She had endured regular criticism, threats (that he could get any woman he wanted – she wouldn’t sleep with him) (I’m wondering why he still hasn’t found that perfect woman!), mocking, belittling, embarrassment and disappointment after disappointment that he just wouldn’t step up and be the person she believed he could be and treat her with the respect she so desperately wanted and felt she deserved.

Isn’t it interesting that she wanted him to treat her with the respect she craved and felt she deserved? She knew she deserved better. She knew he treated her wrongly. Yet she stayed in this friendship craving that which this man couldn’t give her.

It reminds me of my post yesterday. We don’t ask ourselves the question ‘Why?’ Why is this person treating me like this when I know I don’t deserve it? Because that’s how they are. Why don’t I speak up or move on? Because um ?????

There are many reasons we don’t speak up or move on but the main ones coming to my mind are a mix of being predisposed to:

lacking self respect

being dependent, and

fear

From the moment we come out of the womb, and possibly from the moment we are conceived, we are labeled. We have grown up being called that label and we very quickly know and understand our own selves as that label. Due to tradition there is ‘baggage’ that comes with the label. With the ‘female’ label comes the baggage of all manner of weakness and inability. The need to be provided for and protected. The idea that men are better and more than women. Yes, there have been changes that have altered these concepts to some degree, however the baggage still does remain and won’t change until the girl or woman herself changes it for herself and supports other women in making the changes as well.

Girls and women need to do the work of developing deep and iron-strong self respect themselves. We can state, demand, fight, revolt and argue till the cows come home that we should be respected for no other reason than we deserve it, but that will NEVER happen until we love and respect ourselves first.

Women will not be able to stand up in board rooms (or anywhere else) and tell men (or other women for that matter) to back off or to stop, and neither will they receive the support of other men and women, until it is so obvious that women love and respect themselves so much that no-one would dare treat them badly. They just wouldn’t be able to.

The second thing girls and women need to work on is their ability to depend on themselves for their comfort – and I’m not talking about material comfort. We need to be able to enjoy being with ourselves. We need to be able to feel completely fulfilled by things we generate ourselves in our lives. If we feel the need or calling to be creative, we need to do that. If we feel the need or calling to be academic, we need to do that. If we feel the need or calling to be whatever – we need to do that. We are here to play a role in the drama of life. All of us are. And we need to play THAT role, not a role that someone else tells us directly or indirectly, we should play. Playing OUR role will ensure that we will feel completely fulfilled because we are using our talents and skills and abilities to their fullest. We are burning our OWN fuel and not someone else’s who will resent us sooner or later for it. If we don’t burn our own fuel (the energy within us) we will stagnate and slowly die inside and thereby be the label – weak, hopeless, pitiful, victim, unable……

Lastly, fear. Just as darkness is the lack of light, fear is the lack of feeling fearless and courageous and brave and strong. Girls and women need to imbibe these feelings and experiences and make them a part of who and what we are constantly. We need to face fear head on, remember it is nothing but the lack of feeling fearless and courageous and adopt the feelings of being brave. The more we practice this, the more it will become natural. And we ARE these things naturally.

The human soul is genderless and within it it has the whole spectrum of qualities and abilities. This is what we need to remember. We are the soul – genderless – and therefore we have all qualities and abilities.  Therefore, we can do anything.

Its as simple as that! We just have to remember and practice, remember and practice, time and time again.

Then we will be able to speak up – if we need to.

“I’ve come to believe that each of us

DRINK IN THE WILD AIR

lots of love,

Rebecca Signature

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stress starts with a capital ‘C’

Any fool can criticize, condemn and

Dear soulsister,

We talk about stress in terms of our job or study, our relationships, not having enough time, our health, our wealth, or having too much to do.

What often comes into play when we begin to feel discomfort in our lives are :

Complaining

Criticizing and/or

Comparing

We say, things like “I have so much to do”, “I don’t have enough time”, “My staff are hopeless, I have to redo everything”, “My child/parent/partner are annoying me”.

And then, we leave the conversation there. Usually because everyone agrees with us. “Yeh, I know…….” “Oh, that’s soooo bad” or something similar. We all pat each other on the shoulder and support the victim and mediocrity and add to the universal “Woe is me, sniff, sniff” or the “I am so in the right and everything or everyone else is wrong” syndromes.

Recently I read that the enemy of happiness is adaptation. Often when we are feeling recurring or constant discomfort about something, instead of doing something that will bring about change and restore our happiness, we opt to adapt ourselves to the discomfort. Just like the ‘boiled frog’ it seems there is a part of us that goes to sleep when it comes to changing a situation or modifying it so that it will work better for us. (For those who don’t know, an experiment was done with a frog where it was placed in a pot of water. As the temperature of the water was gradually increased, instead of jumping out of the water, the frog adapted itself to the temperature until it died.)

What we need to do is ask “Why?” “Why do I feel like I do?” We need to get clarity about why I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable. Taking the examples above, it may well be that I have more to do that I can cope with, the time given to me to complete a task is unrealistic, my staff are not trained or experienced or are not interested in what they are doing, my child/parent/partner are falling short of my expectations or standards.

These are the facts. There is no need for me to make them emotional by complaining, criticizing and making comparisons. By complaining, criticizing and comparing, I only create more discomfort, i.e. stress.

Once I have clarity about why I feel like I do I then need to ask myself “What can I do so that I don’t feel discomfort in the situation any more?” Then I need to look at all of the options I have so that I can act to make the situation better for me, and not react, i.e. re-enact the discomfort/stress.

For instance, (taking the examples above again) I might decide to tell my boss that I feel under pressure to do my work – it’s too much for me – and ask if I can have some help. I might decide to meet with my staff and ask why they are finding it difficult to complete tasks properly and then take the necessary steps to perhaps train them, support them or make their jobs more interesting. And I might decide to drop my expectations of my children/parents/partner, understanding that everyone has their own ways of doing things and they may not necessarily be the same as my way of doing things.

Complaining, criticising, and comparing take our power away. Thoughts like these spin in our minds and make our minds weak and as our minds become weak we feel more stress.

Adopting (not adapting), Clarity and Courage to Act will help us to have happy and stress-free lives.

Tomorrow……Why we find it difficult to speak up!

“It’s a lack of clarity that creates

Until then, lots of love,

Rebecca Signature